so sick

I really feel so sick and boring of everything at here,
it's totally not the way I want to live,
I tried it,
adapt to the environment here..
But things just won't work out.
What can I do?
people just don't understand me,
people don't regconize me,
what I've done?
that's the way I am,
friends do know me,
my attitude,temper and hobby,
I tried to change,
why don't people change?
I'm tired already, felt so tired..

I scared to walk out,
because the world is so cold.
I'm afraid to listen to the world,
because their words are like a blade,
which could stop my heartbeat.
I don't want to speak,
because I might hurt people too.

If I would choose the moment,
this would be the moment that feels so suck and bad,
worst than you failed your paper,
worst than you dumped by a girl,
cause I just lost a piece of my heart.

regrets and dreams

well,i just get my laptop fixed,
the bad news is all the files are gone..
guess what i've done?
hahh..i wont tell you..even though u beg me!
anyway,that's not what i want to talk about in this post..!

regrets,
everyone has it?
really?
you?
hmm..i believe so...
i've got too many things to regret in my life..seriously,no cheat.
just like what i've done to my laptop is one of the examples~
things in my life that are so important for me are my family, friends and lover.
well,i have to say i dont have lover now(yes i have some for the past dude,but screw it!)
i dont have any regrets for my family,i love them and try to spend most of my lifetime to be with them..
you may say that im still a child or what,
but i tell you what, i love my family more than hundred thousand times than you.
friends?i believe i treat most of them well..(anyone i treated you not well?)
if one day i didn't treat you like last time,that's when i don't care about you anymore.
and i think some of you won't even care bout that..as i think im not that important for some of you..

hmmmm..not even main part yet!
Once a Scout, always a Scout
last saturday,my friends were receiving their king scout's cert..
which included all the signs from each state of the sultan..
that sounds like kinda cool huh?
whatever..im not the part of who receiving the cert..
when i was 17, that is when i want to take the king scout's exam..
but it all screwed up because of me..
i was too lazy and not even motivated to do the log books..
that was the time im sick of doing these log books..
need to copy and draw for 100 something pages..
that's it..the problem is not even one book only, but almost like 7 or 8 books..
and also some other books which is like 40 pages...
so boring after i've been doing and doing..
actually i wanted to finish it..but not so soon..
before i attend the king scout camp, i need to attend one more which called "Ketua Petrol Kem"
that's the one who screwed me badly!
it was like a week before this camp,
i planned to do it at next week and before that there was a log book checking at the Perak headquarter..and i've been told that i wont be able to attend that camp if you didn't pass all you books by today..
i actually can rush it all for two days(i think?) and try to submit it again..but i didn't!!
i really don't know why..i must admit that my intention to go for king scout camp was weak..
that's why im not even want to rush it..
so stupid huh??now i cant even go back already!satisfy?
i hope that movie "17 again" would happen on me now!
whatever..nothing would work no matter i show how regret am i now..
maybe next time the time machine is invented,
i'll go back to the past and kick myself badly or even kidnap myself to a place that i can rush my log books!HAHAHA
anyway, congratulations to you guys who get the cert!
with the full of my sincerity.

today,
i met the black guy again!
yes i played football today..
and sure he saw me!
haha..he's inviting me again to join the team~
actually he was asking me to join at last semester..
i was like, okay!i will,that's what i loved to do..why not?
so i promised him to join at this semester..
eventually, i did not..im the only one chinese is one of the reasons..
secondly,it's tough..maybe?i might not be having too much free time after i join..
yea, the training time is only at monday, wednesday and friday..from 6pm to 7 something until you really can't see anything which is darker than them..HAHA!no offence~
the thing i worried the most is my study of course.
since now im not study also even i got free time..plus if this semester im not getting any A for the subjects...that means i need to work extra hard for the next semester..ahhh..life is so hard~
okay..i promised him this time..for the real..
i guess he will mad at me if im still not going for the training..
some more i might be the first chinese in inti's team!
haha!i might be the legendary chinese in inti~~
*slap stop dreaming okay!its too much too soon now..

one more,
the windows live messenger essential is really a suck version!
it erase my name and make to chin siang ong at first..
after i changed and it ends up with chin..
WTH!im gonna uninstall you and install again the old one!
however, this version is still a beta version..hope that it will improve for the official version!

and..and one more!
is there water cut tomorrow in inti??
why there isn't a notice but the desa palma resident's receive it??
i already store some water as the backup!
smart me huh?
everybody can think of it!smartass! :S

that's it,
good night.

ps:i don't have any class tomorrowww~yahooooooo~~~

hmm hmmm hmm

I went back to Ipoh for another weekend!
due to last weekend im sick..sick badly!
so i do not enjoy much..and that's why i went back again!
okay,there's nothing much to blog..
im here to declare IM FULLY RECOVER alreadyyyyy!
hahaha.seriously i really feel happy..not because of i already recover..
and also because i done most of the assignments!
the hardest one i already submit!
i really really really X 10000000 hate that assignment!
its a simulation assignment..
i duno how to explain at here..
its like u need to use a software called 'Simul8' which for us to simulate the restaurant, photocopy shop and even airport or any kind of counter..
then we need to calculate its mean,max and min point, standard deviation and finally the histogram..
we will use these data to do a model in that software..
hmm..it is really complicated..i wonder why a finance student need to study this kind of subject..

anyway, let's talk my friends..
they all seem to have a new life already..
i know that by looking at the photos they uploaded at the facebook...
facebook is a very good social website for us to connect with people..that's true..
i saw the photos of the new uni from my friends..
complains about their accomodation..and the lecturers being lazy..
excited about their first class and whether got leng lui in their class ont..(for guys only..)
trying to adapt to their new environment..or searching any friend which is same secondary school last time..and...whatever...
it seems so familiar to me..
that's all what i done before..when i first study in inti..
hmm..looking forward to visit min in s'pore!
but i cant go until dec..
let's see how it goes...

okay..gotta off now!
have to go back to inti tml..shit place..
nights.

how?

As i dont have any class tomorrow,
i've decided to study at midnight..
until now..
it's 3:46am now,
feel like sleepy already actually..
kinda of lonely...
it is the most quiet moment..as everybody went to sleep already..
some might be not..
wonder what they are doing now other than study..
watching porn maybe?online game?
so enjoyable..i can't..at least until this friday..!
got two tests at this week..
one is at wednesday and friday for another one..
seriously,i paid a lot of effort inside the test...
as i said, this is my second year already..
i dont wanna waste it and feel like an asshole again..
finally i fulfilled my promise!
not the time to happy now...at least after the test,after i know my result..
you might be saying that im actually wasting my time to blog now..
but i dont know why?i just feel like want to blog now..

this friday i will be going back to Ipoh!
this is what i looking forward now other than my tests..
the reason why i feel like lonely is..
my friends already left from Ipoh by the time i come back..
they went to their uni,
start their new life,a new journey can be said..
last saturday i done a very wrong decision,
which was didnt manage to get to LCCT to send off my friends, Wei De and Lik Ye..
who both going to Sabah to further their study..
it wasn't too far away..at least still in Malaysia..(Even Voon is in S'pore now, but i didn't thought she was too far away as well! C= )
so i will lose two of my friends now..which they are mean a lot to me..not only them,but all of you..
i need friends in my life..seriously...i can't do anything without them..
everytime when i blame them for not joining me for travel is because i want them to be with me..
cz i know one day you all will leave me, to do what you looking for..
but its enough, cz i will have you inside my heart forever, the memories, the jokes, even quarrel?
Jiuh, Long and Min are the three who is being so good with me through these years..
Jiuh and Long will be going for working, which is at Klang and Port Dickson..
Min will continue his study at S'pore...
so..there's no more pasar malam when i go back at this friday aight??
no more sms or the event in fb about the futsal game already..

Seriously,i miss you guys already..
by here, i send my warmest blessing to you guys,
take care and be safe.
...................................................
..............

friday

okay,it's friday tml!
suddenly got mood to blog before i get to bed..
hmm..im not goin back tml..
as i want to stay here to do my assignment,study or what..(hopefully i can do it!)
actually its quite a big seduce for me to go back..
if i go back tml,i can come back only at monday..as the fin class has cancelled!
sounds good huh?but i already scare to listen the word 'replacement' already..
holy shit!i got four out of five subjects need to replace!
some more the replacement class haven't finish yet!
and now i gotta prepare for another new replacement class..
so stupid huh!

well,im not really gonna spend my weekends with those assignments..
will go out to low yat to buy the CPL filter!
haha!finally i found it..!
i found it at the low yat fotokem shop..where the place i buy my DSLR!
i dont know why it is so hard to be found..i asked for so many shops already..they all were the fotokem shop as well..
some more Ipoh's fotokem is like shit!(jusco that one!)
the worker being quite no manners..he thought that i come to kacau them..
or he even look down at me..think that i like those kids who didnt serious with photograph..
did i look like?==
anyway,i dont see they have stock also..
plan to go low yat at saturday......!
morning for sure!
so that it wont be too crowd for the tortoise ktm..
after that,will go to Friday's and enjoy my lunch!
yea..all the things i'll do is just by myself..
i cant find anyone to accompany me..
as some of my friends are going back to their hometown..some are going to prepare for inti ball!
sooo..i don't want to be troublesome so much..the best way is to go alone!
do what i want!eat what i want!
it's been a long time i didn't taste one of my favourite Friday's!(remember Nando's is the all time favourite for me! C=)
some more i can go back early and to avoid the crowd starts at 3pm!

hmmm..that's all the plan!
anyone wants to join?
I'd be happy to see any of you!
call me huh!
haha..i actually don't expect anyone of you!
well,it's time to sleep!
good night!

futsal

here i am again!
okay,i decided to blog since i got no more class after 10am today..
some more i know that i would be lazy to blog at night,
and maybe i wont be around my room..
so...it's a good time to blog now huh??

well,i went back to Ipoh at last friday by yoyo bus..
the people who knows me should be suprise why i take yoyo..
the fare of the yoyo bus is much more expensive than other normal bus..
cz it is the bus company who serves for those passengers from KLIA..(and inti students sometimes.)
this was the 1st time i take this bus..as im not so familliar with this bus..i felt quite worry when i want to take bus from inti to KLIA..
dont ask me why im worry..cz this is me..
worry of whether got bus to go KLIA or not..(surely there must be some buses to go KLIA)..but im still worry..why?i said dont ask me already!
oh ya,and worry that whether i can find the yoyo bus counter or not..
hmmm,after i reached then only realized that i was stupid to worry so much.
the things go well,the counter was easy to find..the bus came and reach on time..even the bus spent three hours to reach Ipoh!(imagine how fast the driver drive the bus!)
after i reached Ipoh..i did something really stupid..
i asked the driver whether can drop me at medan gopeng or not..
i saw that he stared at me and knob his head..seems like he is angry or what..
i was thinking maybe he started to feel annoy after so many passengers asked him to drop them here and there..
NO! i was wrong!
when he drop me at medan gopeng then only i know what i did wrong..!
he is a chinese, and i just asked him by using malay.......
he spoke cantonese with a chinese passenger..
ahh!shit! sorryyy! i was thinking..!
sometimes im really weak to differentiate chinese and malay..
cz the outlook of the driver was quite like malay..
and since i took so many buses at pudu last time..i never saw a chinese driver..

saturday night,
i was playing futsal with friends..
its been a long time i didnt play football..
so i was like playing with my endless energy!
it feels so good to play with a bunch of friends..
making jokes and did stupid things when playing are the most happiest moment..
too bad Min was leave early as he brought his NEW GF!(hehe.didnt mean to promote your gf here.)
and she wanted to go back early..(damn!)
i was planning not to let him score in front of his gf..but failed huh!
anyway,im still enjoy the match very much.
and soon you guys will leave for the uni already..

i think i was thinking too much recently..
i felt tired already..really tired..
didn't mean that i can't concentrate at class..
improve a lot of focus at class already..
but outside the class is hard...
i felt better when i was at home(Ipoh).
that's why i felt that i don't want to stay at here...
the only way to thinking is do exercise..
but the court was fully booked..(damn 2!)

okay,due to the last few posts,
my friend asked me that,
whether i worry other people will look at my blog ont..
i actually wrote something bad there..
i tell you what,
i dont want to apologize here and i think i dont need to..
this is my blog,and that's the only way i could express myself..
nowadays i can't find a better one to dump my feeling..do ya understand?
yeah,you can just don't go to my blog anymore if you want.
i dont want to become one of the hypocrite in inti..
most of the people were wearing a mask when they walk out from their..
even they still wearing at their room..
i dont need a mask to protect myself,
when you see me,that's the real me.
screw the mask!

6,e6 & e7

hmm,it's been two weeks more i didn't update the blog!

don't feel weird,last time was more longer..

should feel happy cz im updating now! C=

okok..i know my blog doesn't like others so interesting.

but i didn't open to public actually..

i don't even tell others i got a blog, unless they exchange their blog with me..

so..i felt amazingly how others could find my blog!

is it my blog become so famous already??

i don't think so!

okay,i went to inti from three weeks ago(i think?)..

nothing much has change, except some of the fresh faces..

felt more lonely since some of the friends had moved to apartment(desa palma)

and some of them were waiting to transfer to aussie.

actually this didn't affect much for me,

im always alone in inti,

i mean, most of the time i walk alone to school,

eat alone,play squash alone or stay at room,of course alone!

well..i didn't mean to show how pathetic am i or what,

i just want to say that,it's really hard to find someone who you can really talk to in inti..

if you find that,yea..congratulations..

i also didn't mean that i don't have any friends in inti,well,i have many now..

most of them were good..

sometimes the conflict happens because we are come from different place,

we are just not used to it only..as the time goes on,i learnt how to be forbearing,

actually they have the same pattern!

Johor people got their style and the same goes to the people from KL or Seremban.

and sometimes you will know that which place they come from based on their outlook,talking style..so funny huh?

when i play squash recently,

i will remember the time i play with Kah Yan,

well,she's from Ipoh, and i just knew her from last semester..

and how great that she is from Ipoh also!

the first time i saw her was at the first lesson of squash..

she has a nice look actually,so i have a feeling to be friend with her..=.=

that time i heard that she was only speaking in english,

"oh damn!" i was thinking..

because i really scare of talking to this kind of girl..

then one of day,

i finally talk to her when she got no player to practise..

i teached her squash and asked her where she came from..

that's how i know her..!

why i talked about her?i don't know really..

it's not like i like her..i just have a special feeling with her!

and how to describe that feeling,i really got no idea..

anyway,like what she said,it's such a waste to know her at her last semester in inti.

she was studied AUP in inti and her course was finished and ready to go to US!

so i've decided to spend more time with her before she leaves!(why spend more time with her???)

last week i went back to Ipoh and since there were many ffk people in Ipoh,i tried to ask her out for movie..

two movies actually!how good..she just accompany me to watch the movies!

and the movies were Iron man 2 and Ip Man 2..

she never watch Ip Man before and just forced by me to watch..luckily she said it was nice!(yea,of course..everyone will say so!)

we watched the first movie at friday..guess what!Kar Kar was sitting beside me!we were watching the same movie at the same line!what a coincidence! C=

the second movie was at saturday!the second coincidence,we were sitting on the same seat which we watch iron man yesterday!really don't know what to say..haa!

actually we planned to go for banana boat ice cream after the movie..but that time was late and we decided to go next time!so...we'll meet again huh?

besides,she really collect the sand from Pulau Redang and give it to me..so happy when i receive it..

Thanks ah hoooo!C= i really appreciate it very much.. the letter really made me feel touch..

even though i didn't know you for so long..but you are a special friend of mine,

maybe you are the only girl(except Li Teng) in inti who can speaks cantonese with me,

that's why i felt familiar with you..

you treat me like an old friend i don't know why..ya..maybe that's just my opinion..

but i treat you like my old friend too.

maybe i keep complaining your house is too far,why i should buy you a racket..

but that's not true,i feel very happy when u agreed to go out with me for movie,

and i secretly planned to buy you a racket so that you can bring it and practise at US.

hope that we can still watch movie after three years huh?

anyway,please take good care! C=

Okay,tomorrow im gonna go to Johor!

to celebrate Wei Far's 21st birthday..

oh!im gonna be 21st next year!

i didnt ask for any celebration for the last few years..

but this time i ask for one!hehe

stop stop...its too soon to talk bout that..

anyway,Ka Kei..

i'm sorry that i can't go back for your birthday..

i know i've been a little rude from the message last time..

i really planned to go back at 4th Jun to celebrate your birthday at 5th..

but i don't know why u suddenly change to this saturday..

don't blame me okay?

wish you happy birthday in advance here, Ka Kei.